It’s a sign of Australia’s enduring cultural cringe that Melbourne now apparently has an Upper West Side. Thank you, New York City, for helping us find new names for our city streets. 

There’s always been that joke about ‘the Paris end of Collins St’, then there’s the Greek Quarter, Chinatown and the Spanish strip of tapas bars in Fitzroy. Let’s reclaim the streets: create our own Boganville, perhaps Gillard Grove, or Tonytown. Thank god for ACDC Lane, a shining light in the culturally confused wilderness.

Unfortunately, Melbourne’s Upper West Side is more mongrel than Manhattan. At the moment, our homegrown UWS is a scuzzy collection of building sites in the no-man’s-land around Spencer St, perilously close to the so-called gentlemen’s clubs (frequented by anything but gentlemen).

You can have your own slice of paradise for $342,000 for a one-bedroom apartment. Bargain of the century. I wonder how much it’d cost in NYC?